whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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