I love black thongs
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i was born a porn star she said
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
