the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
