if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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