Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
