I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
