So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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