well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Houston, we have a squirter
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
