So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You pole danced in your parka.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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