i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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