When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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