TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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