Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
