If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
