Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
