my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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