I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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