Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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