It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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