remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
