Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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