finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
