we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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