I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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