He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
