Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
