bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
