I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
