On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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