haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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