So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
