you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
