Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
