morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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