He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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