so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
