Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
