please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
