Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I will die if light touches me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
