I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
