You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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