Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
