i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
