I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
