Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
