He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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