it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
