she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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