You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
