There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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