i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
