I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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