someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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