highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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